I've been obsessed with baldness since I started to go through puberty. I believe the seeds of the obsession were planted when I was a young child. The seeds of obsession were planted by my parents.
When I was very young, my Dad worked very, very long hours in order to support our family. I was around my Mom all the time. My Mom is the type of mother that is sticky sweet, making everyone around her feel "special." I had curly hair, which for some reason women seem to fawn over. I've been told I was a very cute baby. I can remember women always commenting on what beautiful hair I had. My ego quickly fell to the temptation of accepting this worship. I could do no wrong, because I had such pretty hair. This is one side of the equation.
My Dad and I didn't have a very good relationship when I was young. I'm sure he resented my presence. I found out in later years that my Mom was already pregnant with me for about a month before my parents decided to "do the right thing" and get married. I HAD to be a thorn in his side. He took a certain amount of pleasure in upsetting me, mostly through relentless teasing.
So this at least partially sets the stage. Mom and her female friends seemed to worship me because I was so cute and had such beautiful hair. Dad enjoyed teasing me every time he could find something that would upset me.
So naturally, going to a barbershop would upset me. Upset is ALWAYS the key to obsessions -- more upset always equals greater levels of obsession. In any case, when he would take me to barber shops, I would become very upset at the idea of the barber cutting my hair, which was a power base of sorts with my Mom and her female friends. I can remember throwing fits, crying, etc. In order to try to get me to stop, Dad would threaten me that he would tell the barber to shave my head if I didn't shut up and behave. Of course this had absolutely the opposite effect -- I would become even more upset than ever. Now that I think about it, virtually all of my earliest memories revolve around being very upset.
Upset is the key to obsession. Being upset awakens sexual feelings.towards that which upsets you.
I have a couple of other powerful sexual obsessions. One of them is towards tattoos, and the other is towards cigars. Both of them involve my Dad teasing me.
When I was around two years old, I got the Mumps. My Dad got infected with them from me since he had never had them when he was a child. Adult Mumps are much more serious than childhood mumps. In any case, he was sick in bed with them at the same time I had them. Mom went shopping with a friend, leaving Dad and I at home in bed. Since I wasn't nearly as sick as he was, I was bothering him, not allowing him to sleep. I'm sure I was mad at my Mom for leaving me at home with him. To make a long story short, he took a ball point pen and drew all over my body with it. At the same time, he kept telling me that Mom had run off with one of his co-workers. Of course, I was extremely upset. When Mom made it back home a while later I was screaming.
I have no specific recollections of Dad teasing me with cigars. Both of my parents smoked heavily when I was young. Dad would occasionally smoke cigars, and I hated the smell of them. To be perfectly honest, I hated my Dad.
Kids tend to look at thier parents as gods, and unfortunately parents tend to disappoint their children horribly. I was no exception.
There actually is a fourth sexual obsession, but any sexual feelings have long since disappeared. Nonetheless it has profoundly affected my life. When I was a teenager and in my early 20's the idea of being a truck driver was sexually exciting. Of course I ended up becoming a truck driver. The sexual feelings disappeared. I stuck with it anyway, for other reasons. I found that I really enjoyed traveling, not having a boss staring over my shoulder, etc. After being a truck driver all these years, there's absolutely no sexual feeling left owards it.
Where did this minor sexual obsession towards the idea of being a truck driver come from? Again, it goes back to my Dad. He worked on construction, where he drove construction vehicles and operated heavy equipment such as cranes, bulldozers, etc. That's where this obsession had to have originated. Again, the principle is the same -- get really upset towards something, especially as a child, and it can turn into a sexual obsession when puberty rolls around.
I have yet to "cure" my obsessions. I haven't really figured out what continues to fuel them. At one time I thought it was the secret resentments I continued to hold towards my Dad, but I really don't believe I resent him anymore. He had parents that were just as crazy, if not moreso. His Mom was dominating bitch that could be sticky sweet, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. His Dad was a spineless milk-toast push-over. My Dad in his old age seems to be exhibiting more and more of his own mother's negative personality traits. He hardly had a chance, but he did the best he could. Perhaps I still resent the memories. I don't know. Maybe one day the realizations will come to me.
I've discovered that some people don't like to know where their obsessions come from, but that some people do. I'm one of the latter group -- I always like to understand what drives me.
People can be, and are, sexually obsessed with all manner of things. Of course, most of it goes unspoken, swept under the rug.